The door to nowhere

I went home on Saturday and grouted the small area of the floor we had done so we would be able to move the refrigerator back eventually.  It is getting to the point where to get things back in order we can't just do this on our days off.  It truly invades every single day.  I feel like I am always going, always moving, always trying to keep my head above water.  

The worst part of this is just having the whole house in constant turmoil.  I keep thinking "well if I can just get 'this' done then it will be better" but it really isn't.  I now have a DOOR in my livingroom (yes a DOOR.  Just a door off its hinges from the laundry room) just sitting there like the door to nowhere. I also have all the laundry room stuff in there. You would not think that would be a lot but it is.  I also have the new pantry cabinet in my livingroom awaiting its new place in the kitchen.  

I got up early today and tried to get going.  Jym remembered he had a concert to attend in the evening and so his time was limited.  We can never find our tools at this point.  Part of that is because Jym refuses to put anything back where he found it.  Part of it is because the table we are using as a staging area is a complete mess now and we have buried it behind piles of stuff and can't get to most of the things.  

I originally thought that we would be able to just move the stove and lay all the rest of the tile today and then grout tomorrow but that did not work out when I looked at the logistics of it.  Moving the stove (which is ridiculously heavy) onto the tile means that to get at the pantry area and the doorway to the livingroom the stove would be in our way.  So the only way we can do it is to move the stove onto one side of the kitchen and do the tile on the other and finish the pantry and cut areas and THEN move it onto the tile.  This again is a set back to the plans.  I feel like we are always having to rethink the plans.  

I also never accommodate for the 900 things that you have to do to get ready to actually lay the tile.  I realized that we might have extra mortar and might move into the laundry room area so I decided to just pull everything out of there.  Since Jym only did half the painting of the kitchen and nothing else the day before we were already behind and scrambling to make up time then I lost the evening due to the concert he forgot about.  

Then came the frustration when he tried to remove the baseboards from the closet.  I don't even care about the closet but he got all worked up again.  It is like he just loses his mind and gets nasty and mean.  The bipolar is something I have learned to live with but this project has really brought out the best and worst of the roller coaster.  One minute he is joking and laughing and dancing with me and the next he is flipping out.  He was yelling like he was in pain in the laundry room and I just ignored him and then I realized that if he WAS actually INJURED I would IGNORE him because I would assume he was just being a whiny baby again.  I have 6 pins and titanium rods in my spine and I am in constant pain but I just suck it up and shut up and don't expend my energy on it.  He is opposite of that and if he has a hangnail its like someone sawed his arm off.  But then finally decided to point out that if he did INDEED saw his arm off I wouldn't even react because I would assume it was just melodrama. 

Since our time was limited Jym decided that we should not get ambitious and should just try to lay the tiles and cut as we go starting by the counter.  This ended up not being a great plan because every single tile along that edge was a cut and as he was cutting and recutting tile the mortar was drying in the bucket.  By the time we got to the end we literally were scraping the mortar out onto the tile.  It was so thick and almost unworkable.  We started at 11:30 and in an hour we had literally laid 6 tiles.  We managed to get the side of the kitchen done (so a third more) and the area where the stove goes. 

At one point as the mortar was drying he said "You should think about making me a sandwich" I pointed out that we should finish the bucket before its hard as a rock and he said "I didn't say make me a sandwich...I said THINK about it." (see there's the funny joke-ster husband I love)

His funny of the day was when we were discussing something that happened in the news and he said "I was as shocked as Susan Sarandon when Marisa Tomei won the Oscar" or when I was reiterating something/NAGGING him about something and he held up the mortar stir stick and said "Do me a favor, put your face in there"

We finished everything at 4 and Jym went to his concert and I went alone to Floor & Decor. Jym decided that he wants to use the leftover tiles to do a mosaic on the back patio.  I was fine with that and there are some not so fabulous tiles in there so I decided that I wanted to get some fabulous ones for the kitchen.  I was not thrilled with the ones we laid today.  Some were good but we are running low.  I literally spent hours alone digging through the crates for the ones I wanted.  The small squares were awful and I saw one I wanted but it was way down so I painstakingly moved every tile on the piles on top and pulled out the wood shim holding the tiles in place and as I pulled out the tiles from way down there I found all the great ones.  I actually made a sound like angels singing when I pulled one of them out! LOL.  This just goes to show that sometimes you need to dig down deep to get to the amazing stuff but all your hard work will pay off in the end. 

The Kitchen begins

We woke up this morning and I was on my way to Lowes to get drywall patch and more paint.  Man have we gone through that whole gallon already and we only did one wall!  I think its because the wall we did was 14 feet high so a lot to cover but still.  I bought 2 more gallons as there was a sale on!  Then I had to go wash my car and pay $22 to get the tile dirt off of it since Jym, in one of his fits last week cut tile without moving my car and although I thought it would wash right off it did not.  I also needed it vacuumed from all the tiles we have transported lately.

I came home and started sealing tiles.  Lots of tiles.  It really rips up the skin on my fingers.  But we have a nice pile.  I am a bit concerned at how many really pocked pieces we have.  Some are useable but others…well lets just say there are not enough “under the refrigerator” spots to use them and I am worried we will run out of good ones.  There are some nice ones that are super holey though but I think I can use those in the hallway or something as apposed to the kitchen where if something spills on it I am screwed.  Even sealing won’t get that mess out. 

We are now attempting to do the area that will be under the refrigerator and that area so we can eventually put the refrigerator back in its rightful spot.  But I am not hopeful that will happen before next week now since we need to grout and the tile needs to set from the mortar before we can do that and then it needs to settle again after we grout.

We started the first batch of mortar around 2 and finished laying and cutting by 530 when we took a turkey sandwich break.  I had to work in the small tight area created by the fridge.  It is seriously like living in a tiny house.   But I can squeeze in there and awkwardly manipulate everything. 

We went in for the 2^nd batch in an attempt to finish the area around the pantry closet and the refrigerator.  It was crucial mostly for us to get that one area finished so next week we can grout and hopefully move the refrigerator.  I am concerned about getting it up onto the tile.  I don’t know how to do that.  I know you need to empty it and hopefully it will be light enough to lift?  I guess we will find out. 

It took us until 830pm but we got a good patch done but not the whole pantry.  We need more cut pieces in there but for now we at least have enough done to grout.  Possibly Wednesday Jym can start that without me.  Then we can get the refrigerator back. Until that happens we can’t do much more.  Possibly a batch into the kitchen or finish a few pieces around the edge but I need to pull the stove out first so we are sort of stuck until the fridge is moved. 

Moving the Fridge

I don’t think that we will have another good day as long as this project is going on.  We are both at the end of our ropes and it is showing.  I am so frustrated right now.  I feel like we take a step forward and 12 back.  Every day brings more crap that we didn’t plan on dealing with and it pushes us back every time.  And now is when it matters because I am about to live with a refrigerator in the middle of my damn floor for who knows how long.  That was NOT ever the plan.  I was very specific that when we start this area we need to move.  No dilly dally bullshit.  I have to have a functional kitchen and I recognize that for some time we will not have that but I want to minimize that time as much as possible.

The day began with me realizing that the new pantry cabinet I had ordered on Jet.com and painstakingly put together the previous night in low light had not one but both sides cracked.  And not like small cracks but forklift accident size cracks.  I have no idea how I did not see them the night before. The customer service with Jet.com was top notch.  I had never ordered from them before.  I called their number and explained that I had the 2 side pieces of the unit that were cracked and they looked up my order and got someone from Sauder on the line and he made sure I was getting the right 2 pieces and the woman from Jet was on the line with me the entire time.  Everyone was so helpful and nice!!  I will absolutely order from Jet and Sauder again.  Great customer service on both sides.  Unfortunately now I needed to wait for the replacement parts to arrive and had to spend time disassembling the part I had already put together. So frustrating.  I should have seen the enormous cracks but it was at night and it’s a dark wood unit (called Dakota Oak) and I was too busy being damned impressed with myself for putting it together by myself.   

I will admit that today was probably more my fault than Jym’s.  I was TERRIFIED of the refrigerator being moved.  I was worried it would stop working or we would’t be able to get it out of the hole we crammed it into.  Years ago when we bought it we mis-measured (I know shocker right??) and had to cut the counter top to make it fit so now its wedged in there to the point I was convinced we would need butter and WD40 to get it out. 

The first set back of the day was when we did not (AGAIN) have ANY of the furniture back where it needed to be, none of the tiles were sealed, the wall was not ready to be painted, the pantry not emptied.  You name it, it was not done.  I had a friend in town this week and with work and that and the whole Orlando shooting vigil I have been distracted.  I don’t give myself room to breathe on this and I know that is an issue and 100% on me. 

I also procrastinated by working on my Orlando shooting blog which I wanted to get posted.  Then I made a mess of it and was mad trying to fix it.  I am not technologically inclined and it was frustrating.  I think I took it out on Jym.  I was then rushing around (since it was like 4:00) and trying to move furniture and go to the grocery store and Jym was moving stuff from the pantry but not cleaning it and I mentioned that and he lost his mind on me.  Words were said.  I believe it ended with him telling me to F^&% Off.  And then said when I get home from the store I can maybe yell less at him.  I told him maybe when I return from the store he can possibly not tell me to F*&% OFF!! 

I came home from the store and he was Mr. chipper, all happy like nothing happened.  I have the memory of an elephant and I like to stew in it so I was pretty mad.  He then pointed out that possibly he might have chosen his words better and apologized.  We did end up laughing about it and moved on with the evening.

When I got home I noticed he had ripped up the linoleum in the kitchen and it was on the front lawn.  Now I can’t say that this was my plan but whatever.  It had to come out eventually so fine.  At this point I started to pull everything out of the pantry cabinet so we could move it. Wow.  I had pasta in there from 2012.  I know it probably is still edible but I had a ridiculous amount for someone who rarely eats pasta anymore.  All in all I threw out 2 trash bags full of expired food so yay me.  Its important to pare down since I bought a slightly smaller cabinet. 

Jym decided to move the fridge and when I wasn’t looking started to wiggle it out.  He actually looked really cute hugging the fridge doing this wiggle dance and it slid out!  I was so relieved.  It also slid pretty easily across the floor to its new home right next to my sink.  The area is pretty tight in there but still functional.  Which is good since its going to be there at least another week at this point. 

The area under the fridge was actually not terrible.  I seriously thought we would find petrified foods and dead bugs or rodents or something.  I am not sure what I expected but it was pretty decent.  The back of the unit was also not as bad as I expected.  And everything cleaned off pretty easily.

I then got out the paint at like 8pm and started to paint the area behind the fridge.  I only went up so far so eventually Jym will need to get the big ladder in there and paint all the up high stuff (I have high ceilings in there) but for now as long as I have what will affect our baseboards and the lower stuff done.  The painting was stressing Jym out.  We also ran out of paint so had to stop but we finished the area behind the refrigerator so that was good.  

Dining Room Done

Today I finished the grouting and then we painted the dining room wall (we had to since he ripped some of the texture off the wall when he removed the baseboards.  I am just doing white over the white but let me tell you...15 year old white is a whole lot different than new fresh white.  Man do my walls look like hell.  You don't notice it until you start painting and then its like WOW.  So then I got paint on my kitchen counter (splatter) and had to take everything off and scrub that.  In addition to hanging my new vertical blinds and doing like 5 loads of laundry and dishes and then having to do the baseboards.  Jym did help a bit here and there and seemed to be feeling better but I did most of the work.  

At least the dining room is done finally.  We are hoping to move the furniture back to where it all belongs at some point this week because you can barely get out the back door now.  I wish I could say this is the halfway point but its not even that!  And the 4 hardest areas are yet to come.  The only advantage is that there isn't a lot of furniture to move around just heavy things to move and we will have to paint as we go too which adds a whole extra thing I need to do to the mix.  I know when all of this is done I will be really proud of it but for now it is a disaster.

I need to mention that my blog is lacking this week because our city suffered a tremendous loss in the Pulse shooting.  It affected me in a way I did not expect and I have been reeling since it happened.  It has been a struggle and I decided to write that down in another blog.  I also plan to attend the vigil in Orlando on Sunday night.  Sometimes life and its experiences are more important than tiling a floor. 

Headache/End of the World

This week the plan was to finish the dining room. It did not seem overly ambitious but I am learning that with this project even a small amount of works ends up being way more than expected. 

I began with the grout.  We had finished the middle of the floor last week but needed to cut the edge tile which had not happened yet.  So I started the grouting and Jym measured for the cut pieces.  

I feel like we are always wasting time running to Lowes over something we forgot or didn't plan on needing.  It is absurd at this point since last week I spent $500 trying to make sure we got everything we needed. This time it was Jym who went on the run.  All while I continued to grout the floor.  

But before he left some strange kids showed up in the driveway.  He was out getting ready to make the cuts and moved our cars into the street and the kids were there.  He tried to tell them to watch out but they looked confused and then he realized they only spoke Spanish so he spoke to them in Spanish and then came in to tell me about it because they just stood there staring at him and it was creeping him out.  As he went to leave for Lowes he said that he better get out there and hoped he didn't find strange kids in out garage. So he opens the door and the kids have migrated up the driveway and were standing at the open garage entrance just staring at the old broken lamp we had out there.  It was all Children of the Corn.  LOL

I HATE grouting.  I am sure I mentioned this before.  It is messy and the premixed stuff dries hard and fast which is good for the floor and bad for your skin.  I would much rather do the mortar than the grout.  It is also super sandy and gets all over.  I did try the sponge that came with the grout this time.  Actually I am not at all certain why I did not try it sooner but it looked cheap compared to the fancy "professional" grout sponge I bought.  But I think I like it better.  It seems like it has something in it like soap that foams when I put it in the bucket.  Not sure what that is but either way it seems to clean up the mess better and doesn't fall apart as I expected.  

Jym cut the pieces we needed to still lay and we numbered them and laid them up against the wall.  He was doing OK until he suggested we take a break so he could lay down a while and we would start back up after that. I said that was fine because a storm had moved in and we couldn't mix the mortar anyway (a setback I had not even considered) and knowing that as long as we got the rest of those tiles laid that night I could grout those the next day.  Well he got up from his nap and was complaining of a headache and took a Claritin and some Tylenol and it still did not go away.  He managed to mix the mortar but the minute we started laying it he was moody and snippy and said his headache was getting worse.  At one point I thought I might have to take him to the hospital it was so bad but he kept going.  You kind of have to once you mix the mortar.  

Then one of the tiles we tried to lay didn't fit and he had already laid another one and instead of stopping and assessing he tried to pry up this awesome tile and broke it...like shattered it completely in half.  Then he flipped out because he broke it and tried to cut it and re-lay it with the crack. I was worried that although it was a gorgeous tile (why he chose to cut that one I have no fucking clue in the first place) it would look like it had cracked after we laid it.  Sometimes you can get away with  cracks because the tile looks naturally cracked but I assure you that this one looked like it cracked.  So then he was double angry that I made him lift that and cut ANOTHER tile.  If he would have just left that tile set and cut the OTHER tile that wouldn't fit there would not have been a problem but his problem solving skills were in the flusher with his headache and he was not listening to me.  So in the end we got all the tiles laid but it was like pulling teeth the whole time and it was now dark outside.  I went and showered and Jym went outside and threw up on the rock bed.

He was then sick all night.  I worried about him the whole night.  He was not sleeping well and he had man pain where he moans and thrashes around like he's dying. So I didn't sleep well.  

End of My Rope

This whole week has been rough.  Probably the worst week since the project started and ironically I thought it would be the easiest.  Nothing about this project has gone as planned and its been a huge draw on my tolerance level.  I am crampy, moody and my back hurts but I just keep pushing through.  My husband on the other hand tends toward whiny man baby and he is on some bipolar rollercoaster this week.  I never know what I am going to get.  Will it be helpful loving husband or angry hulk slam husband.  This we do not know.  

After being already behind I resigned myself to just getting the middle of the floor tiled today and hopefully the pieces cut for the outer edge.  And I planned to do all of this before the rain moved in.  We also had to go to Lowes since it was 10% off day and I wanted to make a big purchase for everything we need right now while we had the sale.  Well even that all did not work out.  

We managed through 3 batches of mortar and it was about 7 long hours of painful arguing.  I started the day by burning my eggs while I was checking Facebook.  Stupid.  I should not cook and try to multitask.  By the time I realized it the eggs were ruined.  Jym saw me plating them and said "Don't eat those!".  I said "Nooo (all whiny) I'm eating them as punishment for my general stupidity." Jym replied "Is that what you've been doing to me all these years?  Punishing me for my general stupidity with your cooking?"  Now normally this would have resulted in a throat punch but it was hysterical and true because I admitedly suck at cooking. 

That set the tone for the day though.  It was like pulling teeth.  I think the only enjoyable part was when Jym stopped what we were doing and danced with me when a song came on that reminded him of me.  Very sweet. Made me cry. But that could be the PMS. LOL. 

Although the furniture is in the great room I have NO room for tiles and ended up using all extra space to stack them.  This was problematic for 2 reasons.  First I was covering the pattern and needed to see where we were so I could continue the pattern.  Also I realized that to lay the tiles we would have to walk across the tiles to GET the tiles.  That was not going to work so I carried (AGAIN) all the tiles now into the far side of the dining room for easier access.  After that delay I could at least SEE the pattern to some extent (although the furniture blocked most of it) and had better access to the tiles but I had zero space to work and on top of it I have been relegated to this tiny TV tray to butter my tiles on.  It was intended to hold literally a TV dinner not a 16 x 24 STONE.  I ended up with mortar everywhere and it was hard to work for both of us.  It was also a nightmare to lay out the pattern and work in a direction toward the corner so we didn't stick ourselves into one area we couldn't get out of.  So we worked diagonally.  Even that aggravated Jym. At one point I thought he was going to smash the tile I just handed him onto the tiles he just laid.  I understand being on the floor is painful and he was in a lot of pain but so was I and I was not complaining or yelling.  

In addition when Jym is taking breaks and having a smoke or watching a movie or having 2 beers (yes 2 beers at the same time...its that bad), I am busy cleaning the tools or moving tiles or making sandwiches.  I am never resting or stopping.  Partly because when its time to go again I want to be ready and not do anything to piss Jym off further.  But also because it has to get done.  I also don't know if I will be able to get back up and start again. 

Toward the end was the worst.  We were backed into small area and trying to lay what tiles we had left to finish off the batch of mortar.  We had to also leave a walking area along the side to get to the bedroom this next week.  We got none of the pieces cut or even measured.  We didn't even finish the space we tore up.  So now we will waste the rest of next week trying to catch up and finish that floor.  I also have to lay the baseboard in there and before we can do that I have to paint because taking up the baseboards peeled the paint off so badly that I have no choice.  I also know the paint will not match and I can't just do touch up.  So maybe Tuesday night I will be heading home from work and painting.  

To finish off the shitty last 3 days we made a to Lowes.  I went there alone initially because Jym was busy watching a movie on the patio while I showered and I didn't want to wait.  I could see a storm coming and I needed to get that baseboard home before the storm. Plus it was already 6pm and I had like 30 things to buy. 

So I get there and start with the return of the expired wood glue we had. Then I paid my bill and then was off to jack up the card again.  I stopped in paint where I had the guy cut my new vertical blinds, not cheap but I really like them.  Got the nice Levelor ones that they custom cut for you and they have this lovely leaf pattern on them.  It will be so good to get rid of the nasty broken vanes we have now. 

I am a shopping no-nonsense dynamo.  I get the long cart (which was odd to push and kept wobbling back and forth) and then I had to load the baseboard by myself.  AGAIN.  Mostly because Jym had arrived but was just standing there staring at me. I did buy some shorter boards (8') because I think we shouldn't need all 12'.  But since he messed up the other 12' ones we had I bought 2 of those too.  Then I navigated it to the blinds area and picked up my freshly cut blinds.  Again ALONE.  Jym had wandered off to look for something again.  He finally meets up with me in blinds where I show him the bamboo blinds he wanted for the back patio.  They did not have the size we wanted so he will be 8" short on the edge but at least they will be some sort of cover for him.  But choosing them was like pulling teeth.  I wanted to punch him.  I was trying to do the math to see if we could put two together etc to cover the whole area.  He was getting more and more angry and it was bad enough he was just wandering around with  that mope face I hate.  So I just threw 2 of the 6 foot ones onto the cart and screw it.  He will be 8" short on both sides and I don't care.  He did not even want to discuss the options for the long opening.  So for now it will be empty but when we hang the other ones I can assess and go back and maybe buy 2 shorter ones to cover that large area. Right now it faces the fence so it shouldn't be a big deal with it open.  He was in no mood to hear my ideas on solutions.  Whatever.  

I got the other 30 things I needed including a new hand truck.  We did not go for the big fancy appliance one but got one that is convertible so we can lay it down and pull things that way.  That would have come in handy on our rock redo.  But too late.  He also was no help in picking this and was moody and I could tell he just wanted to leave.  So we paid and left.  

Then we had to load the stuff into my car in the POURING DOWN RAIN.  Yes.  Could this day get ANY better??  So I grab plastic wrap to wrap the end of the baseboards knowing they would be sticking out in the rain.  I turn around to prep my car to receive the boards and Jym uses the plastic to tie all the boards together.  UGH. So I go get MORE and prep the ends and load them but now the 8' boards are tied to the 12' and Jym is trying to cram them in all wonky.  So I shove him aside (at this point I am over it and I have lost my mind).  I put the boards in while he goes to get his car to load the rest of the stuff.  He pulls up and is dilly dallying so I grab the new vertical blinds (SUPER heavy) and he wants to just wedge them between the seats. Um NO.  We are not doing that. Then he points out that there are a few sticking out.  Yes they are sticking out because I asked that they cut MOST of the vanes but leave me 2 for the valance that were full length.  But he was not paying attention to any of that and then wanted a full explanation of that as we were standing there in the POURING DOWN RAIN.  I was furious.  I grabbed them out of his car and went and shoved them into my car like the Grinch stuffing that tree up the chimney.  I was like "I am NOT going to have a discussion with you in the POURING DOWN RAIN!!" I was so mad.  I also forgot to put rope in my car so again it was the plastic bag holding the hatch down.  Jym followed me home in case stuff started spewing out the hole.  It was raining and then we get home and as I went over the final speed bump at the top of the street the bag broke loose and the hatch flung open. Fuck it.  I was not pulling over.  I drove down my street with the hatch sky high and the rain gushing in all over everything.  Then had to back the car into the driveway BLIND because the camera is on the hatch so I had a lovely shot of the roof. I then had to unload it all in the rain.  

Today was just a total nightmare.  I feel like this project will never be finished.  It is so agonizing.  I knew I would have days like this but this whole week I am just at the end of my rope.  I had to tell myself, several times, to just keep going and not flip out.  I just need to keep my head down and focus on what I need to do daily to get this back on track.  I feel very unaccomplished this week and like I took a step forward and 3 back.